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September 9, 2010
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I dare say I'd like to give Morgenstern Williams a hug, as well, for his plucky defense of our heroes aboard the White Queen! And by remote control, no less! My oh my.

But yes. Part two for you all. How'd the space combat go? Good? Good.

Wrote some epic combat in Drowned today, and remembered that OiS needed a conclusion to chapter 15, so here you go! Lookin' forward to the day when Drowned his behind me and OiS is my world again. I'm still experiencing a major case of End-is-Nigh-itis on Drowned. :D

Playing Mass Effect 1 (yes, 1! after I beat 2!) makes me want to go back to spaaaaace in writing land. Oh how troublesome.
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Kira73 Sep 19, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, the last chap. Going to be hard to wait after this. :shakefist: But I understand the need to complete something. As I can't seem to complete anything.

Like Denise, I liked the parentheta-blah-blah-blah too. It isn't done much in dialogue so it really stood out. It set Toric's rant off even better than commas or em dashes, IMO.

A boobie (see, now you can't say this fic doesn't have em): "Not really." He said, then shrugging lightly. You mean 'shrugged?' Or 'he said, shrugging lightly?' And I'm tag policing yo ass. Is punctuated wrong too. :turbopoke:

Happy pounding on The Drowned. I need to dig back into that one soon too.
Yeahhh sorry for the waiiit. =( I feel bad for two reasons. People like this story. And 2: people like it more than Drowned. *facedesk* and THREE I'm making them wait. Gahhhh. *facewall* xD

AND BOOOOOBIES! You and Denise want to see Toric and Darcy hump, I know you guys, but dude, I swear I can't write that stuff. It'll be like "And then they went into a room. Neil booked it as fast as he feet would carry him to the other side of the ship. He had what was left of his innocence to protect." LOL. wut.

And booo tag and word malfuctions! Call the police. D:
Kira73 Sep 22, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I'll admit I'm one of the ones who likes OiS better too. Not sure why, probably because you have fewer characters to know. Plus the whole psy thing pulls me in better than mafia dudes.

Yup, those two need to have some disco time. But I agree that it doesn't need to be described. Just won't fit the style of this story.
Yeah, tis a simple plot. I keep wanting to overcomplicate it (mmm, intrigue and betrayal) but who knows what'll happen. Drowned is not simple. :( I'll try to make it easier to digest further down the line, but I can't bring myself to cut one of my five main characters, or the 9 or so secondary characters... D: If anyone gets the axe (or a close shave) it'll be Wolfe tho. The bastard...
I've never seen parenthetical phrases use in quotations before... and I have to say, I like them! Might have to steal that idea some day. Truly original and attention-getting.

Typo alert: Did you mean "to" instead of "the"? Toric went to the captain's side, and Neil was quick the follow.

Also, should this have been "hull" and not "hill"? a thundering from the ship's hill signified a hit.

But even with a few goofs, this is a great chapter in my book. Er, in your book.
What's a parenthetical doodly bobber? Haha. I forgot.

And yeah I did. Typo ftl... Same with hull / hill... orz.

MY BOOK! Sadly...I have no more to post. I can't channel Darcy and Toric while channeling the dark city.
Comments within parenthesis.

Typos, like shit, happen.

I will try to be patient.
Oh I like doing those. In Drowned they're not allowed, here I can go wild because it's an old fashioned sort of thing to do.
I swear I've never seen it done within dialogue. I loved it.
When people speak out loud, it can be weird. Here, the brits tend to be right about their grammar, and Toric the american will just babble when he gets into it. Usually tho he's pretty tacit.
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