Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: strong language)

LunaticStar has limited the viewing of this artwork
to members of the DeviantArt community only.

You can log in or become a member for FREE!

Prev: [link]
Next: [link]

I dare say I'd like to give Morgenstern Williams a hug, as well, for his plucky defense of our heroes aboard the White Queen! And by remote control, no less! My oh my.

But yes. Part two for you all. How'd the space combat go? Good? Good.

Wrote some epic combat in Drowned today, and remembered that OiS needed a conclusion to chapter 15, so here you go! Lookin' forward to the day when Drowned his behind me and OiS is my world again. I'm still experiencing a major case of End-is-Nigh-itis on Drowned. :D

Playing Mass Effect 1 (yes, 1! after I beat 2!) makes me want to go back to spaaaaace in writing land. Oh how troublesome.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkira73:
Kira73 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, the last chap. Going to be hard to wait after this. :shakefist: But I understand the need to complete something. As I can't seem to complete anything.

Like Denise, I liked the parentheta-blah-blah-blah too. It isn't done much in dialogue so it really stood out. It set Toric's rant off even better than commas or em dashes, IMO.

A boobie (see, now you can't say this fic doesn't have em): "Not really." He said, then shrugging lightly. You mean 'shrugged?' Or 'he said, shrugging lightly?' And I'm tag policing yo ass. Is punctuated wrong too. :turbopoke:

Happy pounding on The Drowned. I need to dig back into that one soon too.
Reply
:iconlunaticstar:
LunaticStar Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2010
Yeahhh sorry for the waiiit. =( I feel bad for two reasons. People like this story. And 2: people like it more than Drowned. *facedesk* and THREE I'm making them wait. Gahhhh. *facewall* xD

AND BOOOOOBIES! You and Denise want to see Toric and Darcy hump, I know you guys, but dude, I swear I can't write that stuff. It'll be like "And then they went into a room. Neil booked it as fast as he feet would carry him to the other side of the ship. He had what was left of his innocence to protect." LOL. wut.

And booo tag and word malfuctions! Call the police. D:
Reply
:iconkira73:
Kira73 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I'll admit I'm one of the ones who likes OiS better too. Not sure why, probably because you have fewer characters to know. Plus the whole psy thing pulls me in better than mafia dudes.

Yup, those two need to have some disco time. But I agree that it doesn't need to be described. Just won't fit the style of this story.
Reply
:iconlunaticstar:
LunaticStar Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2010
Yeah, tis a simple plot. I keep wanting to overcomplicate it (mmm, intrigue and betrayal) but who knows what'll happen. Drowned is not simple. :( I'll try to make it easier to digest further down the line, but I can't bring myself to cut one of my five main characters, or the 9 or so secondary characters... D: If anyone gets the axe (or a close shave) it'll be Wolfe tho. The bastard...
Reply
:icondenlm:
denlm Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2010
I've never seen parenthetical phrases use in quotations before... and I have to say, I like them! Might have to steal that idea some day. Truly original and attention-getting.

Typo alert: Did you mean "to" instead of "the"? Toric went to the captain's side, and Neil was quick the follow.

Also, should this have been "hull" and not "hill"? a thundering from the ship's hill signified a hit.

But even with a few goofs, this is a great chapter in my book. Er, in your book.
Reply
:iconlunaticstar:
LunaticStar Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2010
What's a parenthetical doodly bobber? Haha. I forgot.

And yeah I did. Typo ftl... Same with hull / hill... orz.

MY BOOK! Sadly...I have no more to post. I can't channel Darcy and Toric while channeling the dark city.
Reply
:icondenlm:
denlm Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2010
Comments within parenthesis.

Typos, like shit, happen.

I will try to be patient.
Reply
:iconlunaticstar:
LunaticStar Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2010
Oh I like doing those. In Drowned they're not allowed, here I can go wild because it's an old fashioned sort of thing to do.
Reply
:icondenlm:
denlm Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2010
I swear I've never seen it done within dialogue. I loved it.
Reply
:iconlunaticstar:
LunaticStar Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2010
When people speak out loud, it can be weird. Here, the brits tend to be right about their grammar, and Toric the american will just babble when he gets into it. Usually tho he's pretty tacit.
Reply
:icondenlm:
denlm Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2010
It suited him. I could almost hear parentheses opening and closing.
Reply
:iconlunaticstar:
LunaticStar Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2010
He looks a different direction and mumbles for a second into his hand. Yep. Verbal parenthesis!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconfrostwolf223:
Frostwolf223 Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
He certainly deserves that hug.
Reply
:iconlunaticstar:
LunaticStar Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2010
Or at least a good-hearted high five!
Reply
:iconaranov:
Aranov Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010  Professional Artisan Crafter
I want to give him a hug too. That was pretty epic. :heart:

(Flak armor is your friend. I approve this message.)
Reply
:iconlunaticstar:
LunaticStar Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010
You want to hug everything, to be fair. Porcupine Man needs love!

And yes. Can you see Toric in his army days running around in proper armor and gear. =D Badass!
Reply
:iconaranov:
Aranov Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010  Professional Artisan Crafter
Give me some flak armor and I'll hug Porcupine Man..... :P

Oh you know it. Armor improves so many men...
Reply
:iconlunaticstar:
LunaticStar Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010
Even Fub, the fire-ass-blowing bounty hunter with a heart. Or not. xD
Reply
:iconaranov:
Aranov Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010  Professional Artisan Crafter
Like I said, "so many". Not "all". :P
Reply
:iconlunaticstar:
LunaticStar Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010
dawwww.
Reply
:iconsiobhan68:
Siobhan68 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010  Professional General Artist
Exciting!
I think I found two typos, but since I am no tative speaker... well... here they are:

...and Neil was quick the follow. .. TO follow?

...and a thundering from the ship's hill signified a hit... ship's HULL?

:blowkiss:
Reply
:iconlunaticstar:
LunaticStar Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010
Haha, yeah, two typos right thar. xD Thanks.
Reply
:iconsiobhan68:
Siobhan68 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010  Professional General Artist
:blowkiss:
Reply
:icondashuuthereindeer:
DashuutheReindeer Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010
Whenever I see that you've another chapter up, I grin and click it. I daresay I've started to like Objects in Space better than Drowned! As usual, you never fail to wow me with your writing. ;A;
Reply
:iconlunaticstar:
LunaticStar Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010
It's okay to like it more. In a way, I do too. xD It's fun and lighthearted, uh, comparatively. >_> BUT YES! Thanks so much for readin'. I might cheat and write more just to keep updates coming because it IS fun!
Reply
:icondashuuthereindeer:
DashuutheReindeer Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010
Yayayayay~ <3 Please do so!! *is now excited!*
Reply
:iconkeyanadrake:
keyanadrake Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010  Professional Writer
Oh. Nice!

Typo: "One upon a time, Neil had been very interested in dogfighting."
Other than that, nice quick well paced scene! Bravo!
Reply
:iconlunaticstar:
LunaticStar Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010
More typos, hurrah! A toast!
Reply
:iconkeyanadrake:
keyanadrake Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010  Professional Writer
*gets out her sake and some little sake shot glasses*
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconlunaticstar: More from LunaticStar


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
September 9, 2010
File Size
6.3 KB
Mature Content
Yes
Thumb

Stats

Views
401
Favourites
7 (who?)
Comments
30
×